Confidence

 

Carousel Coaching               Confidence                                                                

 

When you look confidence up in the dictionary, it is defined as the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. When we use this definition, it asks us to look outside ourselves to find confidence. Are we relying on someone or something outside of ourselves, actually outside of our control, to feel capable?

If you look further, you can find a definition; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.

 So, then I ask myself, is it possible that this truth of something could be inside me? Is it possible that I could wake up every morning and believe that there is something inside myself that is well-intentioned, loving, and capable of doing anything I put my heart and mind into? Could I actually feel certain about this truth? Could I wake up with confidence every day?

What is it that takes this confidence away from us? What is it that asks us to look outside of ourselves for certainty so that we can feel confident?

I was listening to a podcast yesterday and the podcaster said…

”I can change someone’s state from insecurity to confidence, and make them believe they can make changes for the better, but when they are no longer with me it all disappears.”

What that means to me is that the speaker created a situation where his listeners had confidence in his ability, but not their own ability. It got me thinking about confidence and how do we cultivate it for ourselves.

How many businesses are built on the need for the person to come back? We produce goods that do not last. We create lesson programs that give people just enough information to know that they need to come back for more. When I started teaching, and now as a coach, my goal has always been to give my students the information they need to make good decisions. I want people to be able to function when I am not there, as well as when I am there. As a coach my purpose is to help put the power back in the hearts and hands of my clients. I want to help them find out “who” they are so that when they make decisions they are based on their own goals, interests, and beliefs. This can be difficult because we have a lot of people to please. What if my mother, sister or husband does not like the person I really am on the inside?

The person that we are on the inside is the only person, this is the person we must have confidence in. The problem is that we become so out of touch with this person that we do not know who she/he is. We cover it up, on purpose or by accident, and then we act out, hideout or go down a road that is not ours. We have so many outside influences that we end up bouncing from this opinion to that opinion, this person’s idea or that person’s insult. We forget to remember who we are, we forget to be confident; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something, the truth of ourselves.

No one can tell us who we should be or what we should do. This is the hard part. Young people have often said to me they wish someone could just tell them they are good enough, or they wish the road was mapped out and they could just follow it. This is something we need to find on the inside. This belief in our self needs to override everything, all that people say, all the insults, negative energy, and doubt. Many times, these feelings and expressions of insecurity are about the other person, not about us. If someone tells me their goal is to jump a grand prix course is it my place to say they cannot do this? I do not ever see myself jumping a grand prix course with my horse, but who am I to say they cannot do it? This is often what happens, the other person is so insecure they project that onto our goals and aspirations. In addition, we may act on a sport or direction we are talented in but have no actual interest in. In this case, we might end up going down the wrong road because people believe in us, praise us and encourage us, but we have no actual interest.  A lack of belief causes us to abandon our dreams. When we have confidence, we have an inner knowing that what we want is possible and we are able to create it. We may occasionally make detours along the way, bad decisions or mistakes, but inevitably we walk our path, the right path to the truth of our goals.

How do we gain confidence? There are a million programs, books, and coaches out there to help us with this.

My challenge for you is this. Every night before you go to bed ask yourself was there any part of the day you could have managed better? Was there a time you actually did not act on your inner truth? What was the reason? Does this bring you closer or farther from your ultimate expression? Was it a close friend, family member or just a passing acquaintance that caused you to step outside of yourself? Write it in your journal. Ask yourself to think about tomorrow and how you can be relaxed and in your truth in the future. Not aggressively and putting other people down, just relaxed and confident in your true nature.  Can you find this peaceful feeling that you do not need to impress your feelings or actions on other people, you just need to be walking your path in your own way? In addition, can you find the feeling that you do not need reinforcement from other people to know you have done the best that day?

The strength to be YOU needs to be developed and nurtured.

When you wake up in the morning think about the day ahead. Are there things that might come up that have the potential to knock you off your path? What can you do to be relaxed and peaceful on your way? Do you have plans to eat right? Can you talk to the people that strengthen you? Is it possible to find time to take care of yourself and remember your inner strength throughout the day?  Sometimes it is helpful to put alerts on your phone, a post-it note in your car, or a poster in your house or office. What does your strong self know that you forget when life gets overwhelming? Your strong inner self is the only self to listen too, try to create tactics to remind yourself when you feel the doubt or overwhelm creep in.

Be youthful in your approach, connection is the key and

Remember, anything is possible,

Nancy

 

Finding Balance

 

Finding Balance!        Carousel Coaching    Nov. 6, 2023

I think that one of the most difficult things to do is find a balance between all of the competing priorities that stand before us in a day. There are many amazing people out there offering to teach us their tactics for high performance, productivity and time management, but I find the more I look at them, the more confused I become.

Throughout this past year, I have really had to challenge myself to let go of old beliefs in order to become more productive. The things I have learned have actually not come from others, but instead, have come from listening to myself. One of my mentors said that we should let go of menial tasks, hire someone to do the shopping and laundry for instance. Doing this would open the day for more productive endeavors. When I thought about it, I did think, yes, it would be nice to delegate these things some of the time. However, for me, doing laundry is self-care. I take time to fold my laundry and just be in that moment, perhaps with music or my own thoughts. It is meditative. So, giving that up would not be healthy for me.

I challenge you to think carefully about what you really love about your life, what makes you feel alive and makes you want to get up in the morning. On the flip side, what could you let go of? What does not get you excited? What do you do because you think you should, or someone else thinks you should?

A good exercise might be to take a paper, or write in your journal on one side the aspects of your day that bring you joy and fulfillment and on the other side tasks that bring your energy down or diminish your productivity. I imagine we can all find things that we could put on these lists and become more effective by doing so. By doing this exercise myself, I am finding a better rhythm.

I do not like to feel as if I am going a million miles an hour one day and then completely ineffective the next day. Ineffectiveness for me comes from feeling overwhelmed by the things I should be doing, but I am not good at and therefore ignore. There are definitely things that I could delegate and as I started to identify them, real change began for me. What I really need to get done (things I do not like doing or am simply not good at), I will delegate, and then apply THAT time to something that I AM good at and creates benefits down the line.

What things are on your to-do list that you could delegate to someone else?
If you did, what would you spend your time on? When you look at things this way, does it give you the push you need to reorganize your time?

I believe it is really about what strengths you have, not about anyone else’s program. The challenge is to start to create your own program, your own rhythm. The awesome thing is that there are a lot of great people out there willing to share their ideas and just get you thinking about options. But! If one program does not work for you that is ok. Keep looking, be curious and create the best strategy for your happiest and productive life, one day at a time.

I hope these ideas benefit you in some way.

Nancy

 

Daily Practice

 

Carousel Coaching

                    Daily Practice

                                               Nov. 2, 2023

 

Why is it that we seem to lose track of our positive daily practices just when we need them the most?

We all have things that get us down. We make mistakes, get sick or something can happen that is beyond our control. These things can take us temporarily off our path. The good practices and positive habits we were nurturing and were working for us drop by the wayside and the doubt and fear creep in. Productivity diminishes and this feeds the doubt, and we start to spiral down instead of up.

How can we hold on to our best habits even when we get derailed, depressed or lack energy?

For me jumping back in as soon as possible makes a difference. However! I also think we must take a bit of time to mourn the setback, recover from being sick or even take time for a loved one in need. Then we must jump back in as soon as possible to our best practices. Even if it is only for 5 minutes a day, set that time aside for yourself, then next week add 5 minutes and so on. Put the time for yourself in your calendar, set an alarm, do whatever it takes to notice yourself and take care of yourself.

We all know that exercise builds confidence and energy. So, we need to make time for it. We know that eating well and actually taking time to eat helps us feel healthy and mentally alert. We must make time for this. Hydration is imperative for optimum performance, no matter what we do. Let’s pay attention to this.

There is a kind of stigma around taking care of ourselves first. We are taught that self-care is selfish. Know that if we don’t take care of ourselves then we can’t be there for the other people in our lives. Put your own oxygen mask on first!

A few of my favorite quick tips for getting out of that rut as quickly as possible:

• Talk to your good friends.
• Start recording your wins.
• Do 5 minutes of exercise first thing in the morning before you get lost in the day. Add to it over time because it feels good!
• Spend one healthy meal with yourself (and others) daily
• Drink water, add lemon, mint, cucumber whatever makes you happy, drink water
• Change all self-talk to positive self-talk; I can’t do this becomes I can’t do this yet, or who can help me with this, or how can I figure out how to do this. It might be difficult when you start noticing all of the negative self-talk, it is necessary to notice it if you want to change it!

I hope this benefits you! And please share with anyone you know who might need a boost.

Please feel free to share your good ideas about getting out of a rut with me at nancylaterdressagehorses@gmail.com  

 

Regionals and Food for Thought

        It is too long for a Face Book post! However, I do want to say thank you to everyone who has continued to believe in us, support us and contribute to our journey so far. To be able to show Blonde is an incredible opportunity and I am so grateful for everyday I ride her.

        Thank you to Whitney Bailey who is making this available to me. 

        Thank you Katrin Bettenworth for putting us together and for your continued support and encouragement.   

          Thank you to our awesome team, both here in New Hampshire and in Florida. 

                         Dr. Jonathan Allen, Dr. Kendall Milkey, Dr. Brett Gaby, Alfonso Osorio, Bill McMahon, Jamie Cohen, Dan Federico and Tigger Montague.

          Thank you! Victoria Ringquist for all of your hard work taking care of the guys! I so appreciate all your efforts and we could not be doing any of this without you.

          And then there are my beautiful friends and my family, who keep inspiring me to keep going after these amazing dreams I have. It is not only to be showing in the Grand Prix, but for me it is to be doing it in a relaxed and happy way. I am so excited that Blonde is a willing to go on this adventure with me. To build a connection so trusting and then be able to take it out to competition is really for me a Dream come true. There have been times where Blonde and I were not on the same page and it seemed what I wanted, (and sometimes people tell me!) What I want is not possible.  My husband, my beautiful friends and my family, have been there encouraging and believing in me and I could not have gotten this far without you. You know who you are and I love you!    

         This journey is not just about Blonde and me, it is about all the riders out there, young and old, who start riding because they want to connect with a horse on the highest level. We can do that at home, but to do it out at a show and to let people with dreams such as mine see that it is really possible, this is special to me. 

         At the Regionals this year I saw some of my colleagues and friends really living out this dream.  And I am so happy for you!! 

          On the other side I also saw some riders who allowed the pressure of the competition take a wrong turn. To compete on a day when things are not working as they had hoped and to try to force the outcome, this is a lesson we all need to learn. Hard to watch. I hope the lesson has been learned, however, I also want to say that I know what it feels like and I have been there too. If you have a team around you ask them to help you, try to step back and look at the big picture. The sun will come up tomorrow, new opportunities will arise, there is always another horse show. I know it does not always feel that way, but honestly, there is always another horse show. When your horse is not prepared to partner with you on show day, lower expectations, ask little, reward often, and get back on the same page. The trust you build will come back exponentially in the future.

               I love this sport! I want everyone to have as much fun as I do being part of it! It breaks my heart to see pressure and stress take away the joy and fulfillment that riding really can bring. There are a lot of posts right now about this very subject. We all need to be compassionate, every single person taking a stand in the conversation has felt the pressure of competition and at certain times failed in controlling their emotions. No one should be standing on a pedestal saying how it should be. Instead, we need to teach better, prepare our riders better mentally and emotionally and support our colleagues in times of stress and overwhelm. In the interest of the horses, we need to come together, not discriminate and judge. 

                Thank you for reading this whole long post!

                          I hope it gives feed for thought and encourages some action toward creating more of a community,

                       I love you!

                                 Nancy

                    

3 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Dressage Test, Today!

 

Carousel Coaching        

 3 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Dressage Test, Today!!

 

             As I am here at Regionals and watching some of the horses it makes me realize there are some really easy changes, that you can make today, that will absolutely bring you more points.

               Before we get to that, let’s just talk for a minute about relaxation. Breath, Hydrate and trust your preparation. There is a lot of energy in the warm-up that is not yours! The only way to control your energy is to identify with it. Sit quietly, by yourself, where you will not be interrupted. Drink a big glass of water and focus on your breath. Count the breath in, hold, out, pause, in repeat. You can use any count that helps you to be relaxed. Box breathing is when you use the same count for all, but anything that works for you. When your mind gets distracted just bring your focus back to your breath. Try to give yourself ten minutes to do this prior to getting on. Remember you have been preparing to be here. No need to change everything, trust your preparation.

            I am not going to get into how to relax your horse. Only to say that running it crazy on the lunge line is a recipe for injury and more stress, not less. I can help you find another way, but we need to meet in person for this. There are also other awesome people that specialize in this. Seek them out.

            What can you do that will improve your test and score today?

1.    Warm up in a shape that resembles the arena. Most warm-ups are too big and people use the whole thing! You get into the arena after thinking you are amazing in the warm-up and two things happen; you get claustrophobic because the ring is all of a sudden ½ the size of what you were doing in the warm up, and, you have put a lot of extra miles on your horse! Being on the centerline every time you are meant to be will add points! Making your circles the right size…..yes! More points! You can set your own landmarks, ask your trainer to point out the proper size, or even scope out the warm up area and make a plan before you get on. Use one fenced long side so you can manage your straight lines. Create corners in your mind and ride them! Whatever type of corner you need for the level you are riding. This will really set you up for success in the show ring!

2.   Use the outside of the arena for training! When you go around the outside of the arena before your test you are not being judged! I see so many people losing the connection with their horses, asking them to be perfect, overreacting if the horse looks at something. You are not being judged! Don’t worry about the judge, half the time they are still working on the last test, they are not even looking. Utilize this time to show your horse in a relaxed way the judges booth, the flowers, the letters etc. Make transitions, check your brakes and gas pedal. Check in on your own physical relaxation, can you feel your toes? When you trust that your aids are working you will not have to ride the parking brake through out the whole test. When you are confident that your forward aids work you will be able to relax and make the aids when you need them and then just ride with the forward motion in between. Pat your horse, check in with your arms and hands.

3.   Keep your lower legs close to your horse. Feel the hair through your boot. When you come and go too much on the horses sides the horses get tight and feel like they don’t want to go. Relax the upper leg and let the horse come up into the withers, support with the lower leg to create relaxation. No gripping, just soft cuddling legs. Your horse will appreciate this, and the relaxation will translate into a horse that is more in front of you and relaxed. Now, I understand this is not the easiest thing to do, however, even if you focus on it just a little bit your life will change!

 

         I hope this helps you to have more fun and success in your riding!

              Love to Ride!

                         Nancy

 

Success needs two things...

      I was in my Tai Chi class the other day and the instructor said "success needs two things.... Mindset and Skill Building." I was, of course being a coach, completely on board with this! And then he said the most important part.........The mindset is that "You Can Do It". and that is it.  I thought this is fabulous and so simple, and then so difficult at times.

        Of course, when we make a goal, we make it with the belief that "I Can Do It". Along the way there are always going to be bumps in the road, setbacks, even outright roadblocks. How do we persevere? Resilience and bounce back are two of the most important building blocks to success.

       So, if the mindset needs to be "I Can Do It" then we need always to return to this mindset as quickly as possible, no matter what setbacks we encounter.

       When we believe we can do it we figure it out. When we believe we can do it we don't make excuses, we don't blame circumstances or say, "it wasn't meant to be", we just get up again tomorrow and take a small step in the direction of our dreams. If we have a setback that step might be to take care and slow down for a minute, it might be to heal a wound or study a new subject that will inspire our journey. Taking that small step may not always be what we originally thought. Having that under lying mindset that "I Can Do It" will override all negativity and set back.

       Let that really sink in. What is the opposite of "I can do it"?   "I can't do it". How inspiring is this? How hard are you going to work when you ultimately believe you can't accomplish the task anyway?

       Someone else can tell you they don't believe it is possible, but on the inside, if you know you can do it, then you can do it! It may take a little longer, the path may not look like other people's, and you may be a bit bruised by the time you get it all done, but it will be well worth all the effort you put in.

         So, what does success mean to you? What is your biggest dream? The one that makes your heartbeat faster and scares you just a little bit? 

                         Write it in your journal and get going! Small step by small step. If you can think it, you can do it! And you need two things:

       The belief  "I Can Do It" and then start building skills.

          And always bounce back to "I Can Do It" as fast as possible.

                 Love to Ride!!

                           Nancy

                      

          

So, You Qualified for Regionals

              This weekend was the last weekend to qualify for the Region 8 USDF Regional Finals. I hope for you, that if this was something you worked for, that you accomplished this primary goal. If you were unable to qualify, I know that whatever the circumstances, you will make the necessary improvements and make better plans and have success next year!

              If you have qualified CONGRATULATIONS!, what are you going to do until September 20?

                              I have a couple of suggestions:

                                              Go over the health of your horse, is there necessary routine care that needs to be done? worming, shots, blood tests etc? Do this now! These things can be taxing on your horse, and blood tests can give you important information. Do not wait until right before the show, give your horse plenty of time to recover.

                                               Have your horse flexed, the back palpated, teeth checked and other performance checks that you may want to act on to improve your horse's comfort and happiness level.

                                               Go over your feeding program, supplements and any other medications that might need to be changed. Be absolutely sure about what medications are allowed and take care to substitute something (healthier) and legal well before the show.

                                               Order gastroguard, supplements, buckets, anything that you might need for the show so that you have it well in advance.

                                               Make a plan with your trainer that will improve your overall fitness and accuracy when riding your tests.

                                               Start working on a suitable warm up. Time yourself and get to know how much time you need for your horse to feel happy and swinging and ready for the test. There are way too many horses leaving their best performance in the warm up, don't do that! Start timing and practicing now, so you know it and feel it.

                                               Build motivation and rapport with your horse daily. Know what makes them tick.... what helps them love to work and try harder for you? Practice doing more of these things!

                                               Learn your test (s) for yourself! Don't drill your horse, but do practice linking some movements together so you can be effective with each transition and accurate with each movement.

                                               Make sure to put some fun days into your schedule between now and then. Go for hacks, do trotting poles, maybe even learn something new that will improve your partnership.

                                               Has your horse been to Saugerties before?

                                                                   If yes! was he/she relaxed and happy? 

                                                                                  If no, what are you going to do about it between now and then? Lunging your horse to death is not a good answer (in my humble opinion) so, talk to your trainer about options for ground work, the possibility to take your horse to a different venue to practice, some relaxation exercises, TRT Method etc. that might set you up for success.

                                                If you have not been to Saugerties have you looked at the map? Can you familiarize yourself with the layout. Is there someone you know who has been there that can tell you a bit about it? 

                                                                Also, make a plan for when you get there to go around and look at everything first, without your horse, so you know what to expect, are able to make plans and create a good time schedule for getting to your rings etc.

                                                 Will your horse need to be clipped? Don't do this the day before the show!! Horses can be very sensitive about being clipped, so unless you have a complete dead head that you want to jazz up, be sure to clip at least a week before so he/she gets used to the new feeling. And be sure to blanket appropriately, this is a super hard time to manage blankets, so you have to be sure to be available for changes.

                                                  How is your tack? Do you need anything new? Don't change things right before the show!! Be sure that you make changes well in advance so you are sure both you and your horse are comfortable. It can happen that we get nervous before a show and start changing bits and spurs etc. Talk to your trainer, get the best choice organized now, then stick with it through the championships.

                                                 Make sure your horse is shod at a good time so he is not over due or just done for the show. Talk to your farrier, make sure he knows your plans and then schedule your appointment together.
                                                 Start working on your Performance Mindset! This is something I am good at! So, Book a Coaching Session!! If you don't have opportunities for Coaching Sessions talk to your trainer about suggestions. What does he or she do to strategize the best performance mindset? What would he or she recommend you do to set yourself up for the best success?

                                                  Read the rules! And practice with the new rules! For instance, whips are not allowed. So, practice your test without a whip, if you usually carry one. The rules for Regionals are a bit different then your regular shows, so go over the rule book and be sure to note anything that might affect you.

                                                  Build your team: trainer, coach, groom, shipper, support friend. Start asking now so you can make all of the necessary plans. Hotel reservations, dinner plans etc. 

                              So these are a few ideas to get you thinking ahead for your big show. "Control the Controllables" Herr Schumacher always said. There will be enough that you cannot do anything about, so set yourself up for success.

                       Be sure to email me at nancylaterdressagehorses@gmail.com if you have any questions, and if you would like to set up an online or phone coaching session. 

                       Love to Ride!

                                Nancy