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Coaching Confidence
When you look confidence
up in the dictionary, it is defined as the feeling or belief that one can rely
on someone or something; firm trust. When we use this definition, it asks us to
look outside ourselves to find confidence. Are we relying on someone or
something outside of ourselves, actually outside of our control, to feel
capable?
If you look further, you can
find a definition; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
So, then I ask myself, is it possible that
this truth of something could be inside me? Is it possible that I could wake up
every morning and believe that there is something inside myself that is
well-intentioned, loving, and capable of doing anything I put my heart and mind
into? Could I actually feel certain about this truth? Could I wake up with
confidence every day?
What is it that takes this
confidence away from us? What is it that asks us to look outside of ourselves
for certainty so that we can feel confident?
I was listening to a podcast
yesterday and the podcaster said…
”I can change someone’s state
from insecurity to confidence, and make them believe they can make changes for
the better, but when they are no longer with me it all disappears.”
What that means to me is that the
speaker created a situation where his listeners had confidence in his ability, but not their own ability.
It got me thinking about confidence and how do we cultivate it for ourselves.
How many businesses are built on
the need for the person to come back? We produce goods that do not last. We
create lesson programs that give people just enough information to know that
they need to come back for more. When I started teaching, and now as a coach,
my goal has always been to give my students the information they need to make
good decisions. I want people to be able to function when I am not there, as
well as when I am there. As a coach my purpose is to help put the power back in
the hearts and hands of my clients. I want to help them find out “who” they are
so that when they make decisions they are based on their own goals, interests,
and beliefs. This can be difficult because we have a lot of people to please.
What if my mother, sister or husband does not like the person I really am on
the inside?
The person that we are on the
inside is the only person, this is the person we must have confidence in. The
problem is that we become so out of touch with this person that we do not know
who she/he is. We cover it up, on purpose or by accident, and then we act out,
hideout or go down a road that is not ours. We have so many outside influences
that we end up bouncing from this opinion to that opinion, this person’s idea
or that person’s insult. We forget to remember who we are, we forget to be
confident; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something, the
truth of ourselves.
No one can tell us who we should
be or what we should do. This is the hard part. Young people have often said to
me they wish someone could just tell them they are good enough, or they wish
the road was mapped out and they could just follow it. This is something we
need to find on the inside. This belief in our self needs to override
everything, all that people say, all the insults, negative energy, and doubt.
Many times, these feelings and expressions of insecurity are about the other
person, not about us. If someone tells me their goal is to jump a grand prix
course is it my place to say they cannot do this? I do not ever see myself
jumping a grand prix course with my horse, but who am I to say they cannot do
it? This is often what happens, the other person is so insecure they project
that onto our goals and aspirations. In addition, we may act on a sport or
direction we are talented in but have no actual interest in. In this case, we
might end up going down the wrong road because people believe in us, praise us
and encourage us, but we have no actual interest. A lack of belief causes
us to abandon our dreams. When we have confidence, we have an inner knowing
that what we want is possible and we are able to create it. We may occasionally
make detours along the way, bad decisions or mistakes, but inevitably we walk
our path, the right path to the truth of our goals.
How do we gain confidence?
There are a million programs, books, and coaches out there to help us with
this.
My challenge for you is this.
Every night before you go to bed ask yourself was there any part of the day you
could have managed better? Was there a time you actually did not act on your
inner truth? What was the reason? Does this bring you closer or farther from
your ultimate expression? Was it a close friend, family member or just a
passing acquaintance that caused you to step outside of yourself? Write it in
your journal. Ask yourself to think about tomorrow and how you can be relaxed
and in your truth in the future. Not aggressively and putting other people
down, just relaxed and confident in your true nature. Can you find this
peaceful feeling that you do not need to impress your feelings or actions on
other people, you just need to be walking your path in your own way? In
addition, can you find the feeling that you do not need reinforcement from
other people to know you have done the best that day?
The strength to be YOU
needs to be developed and nurtured.
When you wake up in the morning
think about the day ahead. Are there things that might come up that have the
potential to knock you off your path? What can you do to be relaxed and
peaceful on your way? Do you have plans to eat right? Can you talk to the
people that strengthen you? Is it possible to find time to take care of
yourself and remember your inner strength throughout the day? Sometimes
it is helpful to put alerts on your phone, a post-it note in your car, or a
poster in your house or office. What does your strong self know that you forget
when life gets overwhelming? Your strong inner self is the only self to listen
too, try to create tactics to remind yourself when you feel the doubt or
overwhelm creep in.
Be youthful in your approach,
connection is the key and
Remember, anything is possible,
Nancy
